This My....

Currently Watching The Goonies By Sean Astin, Josh Brolin see related

JONNY-WOO CHRONICLE (2)

My apologies go out to all 0,000,003 of you who read the JonnyWoo Chronicle.  It has been quite some time since my last posting, but I have a good reason for it this time.  You see, there was this top secret mission that myself, Jack, Tony, Agent Pierce, and the 'Hoff were working on.  Well, to make a long story short the Russian Government got involved and I had to go dark for a while until all the Pez Dispensers/Warheads were destroyed. For national security sake I am not at liberty to discuss it.  I hope you all can understand.

(Actual Confiscated Warheads...they look so innocent but were vessels of potential destruction)

My LifePartner (Rachel) and I will be heading to Ramsey, IL this weekend to see the Thomas Family live and in concert; Stoked about that. 

Currently Watching Knight Rider - Season Two see related

THE WOOVILLE CHRONICLE - 12/29/05

I hope everyone had a wonderful CHRISTmas.  Mine was wonderful, thanks for asking.  I would like to start my post by apologizing to my 0,005's of readers.  My deepest apologies go out to all 3 of those people who had to see my last post featuring "the Hoff" in his European-Swimwear.  We here at the Wooville Chronicle vow to uphold a standard of excellence when dealing with the life of the self-esteemed humanitarian David Hasselhoff.  Therefore we would like to apologize to those 'Hoff fans who may have been hurt by the harsh comments and disturbing images.

Anyone out there read Ann Coulter?  I think she writes some brilliant stuff.  And its not just the substance so much as just the brash honesty in which she speaks that I admire the most.  I was just reading her latest column dealing with the "celebration " of Kwanzaa and how much of a facade this "holiday" really is.  I would encourage you to click on the hyperlink and read the article for yourself, but I will give you the gist of it.  Kwanzaa was invented in 1966 by a black radical named Ron Karenga.  Karenga was a founder of United Slaves, a violent nationalist rival to the Black Panthers and a dupe of the FBI.
Coulter unveils more of the work of this goon who basically believes, much like "Calipso" Louis Farrakhan, that whites are the root of all evils.  Yet in the life of this man we get another holiday that celebrates peace?  It is just amazing to me how far people will go to avoid the truth of Christ.  So the next time your hear someone say something about not wishing a "Merry Christmas" for the sake of the need to be more tolerant of other beliefs.  Ask them if they know what Kwanzaa is even about.  Because chances are its not tolerant of them. 

     On a Similar Note:

EXCELLENCE IN CLOUDY VERNACULAR: QUOTE'S OF THE WEEK

THIS WEEK IS A TWO FOR ONE SPECIAL.  COMPLEMENTS OF AL-GORE, WHO IS HILARIOUSLY INSANE.

"A zebra does not change its spots." - Al Gore, attacking President George Bush

And my personal favorite Gore quote: 

"Speaking from my own religious tradition in this Christmas season, 2,000 years ago a homeless woman gave birth to a homeless child in a manger because the inn was full."  

Apparently Mary and Joseph grew up in New Orleans...and all this time I thought it was Nazareth, silly me.

Currently Listening Hung for the Holidays By William Hung see related

DAVID HASSELHOFF WOULD LIKE TO WISH YOU AND YOURS A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

That's right, Americas number one heartthrob would like to extend to YOU his warmest regards and feelings of good will during this "Holiday" Season.  And what better way to do so than with a picture of the Hoff' himself and some cut lil' puppies.

This Weeks EXCELLENCE IN CLOUDY VERNACULAR is also a celebration of the life work of the self proclaimed humanitarian - David Hasselhoff.  Yes, today we celebrate the man who claims to be as responsible for bringing down the Berlin Wall as Ronald Reagan.  This is due mainly to the writing of the ...uhhum... smash hit "Looking for Freedom" in the early '90's.  Ever heard of it? Apparently the Germans did.  His work of literary/musical genius was written for encouragement to the people of Germany in their time of struggle.  Germans Love David Hasselhoff!  So, what great quote of this real man of genius can I give to sum up his greatness?........     

"Beyond its entertainment value, Baywatch has enriched and, in many cases, helped save lives. I'm looking forward to the opportunity to continue with a project which has has such a significance for so many." -- David Hasselhoff

What a Dope!!!!

Greetings fellow Xangans!  Obviously, it has been quite a while since I last updated my site.  So, this post is dedicated to all 00,004 faithful readers of my Xanga Site, here's to you losers:

Rachel and I just got back from a week in the Sunshine State of Florida.  We spent the majority of the time in the Ft. Myers area where we stayed with Rachel's Grandparents.  We had a great time with them.  It was quite amusing that these masochists Floridians kept apologizing to us for the "cold" weather they were having while we were down there.  Cold as in 75 Degrees and sunny.  Hilarious!  I went golfing on Monday morning, comfortably wearing shorts and a short-sleeve shirt.  Upon arriving at the golf course my attention was drawn to all these old chaps who were wearing long pants and heavy wind jackets, bundled up by Michigander standards, like they were just trying their very best to survive the winters worst.  Ironically, most of them thought I was the crazy one for wearing shorts in such horrible conditions.  I just kept thinking to myself "These people just don't know how good they've got it." 

The best part of the trip for me, was that I got the chance to play 54 holes of golf and surprisingly, I played really well.  In fact, I reached a very pivotal moment in my life by shooting a 36 (Par) back nine at Ft. Myers Country Club (I didn't fare as well on the front - 43), but I cracked 80 for the first time, I was stoked!  The last day we were there, my cousin in law got us on an incredible course about 30 minutes away called Stoneybrook Golf Club.  This place was top notch (GPS Digital Range Displays on the golf carts, water on every hole, white sand, 6 tee areas, aqua Driving range, wide fairways, etc).  They treated us like royalty as soon as we arrived and the best part was it didnt cost us a dime.  Randy worked some bartering magic and scored us some free rounds.  I played alright but the most memorable moment came on the 7th hole when we encountered a 10 foot alligator just chilling by the water.  My cousin freaked out when he saw it and made me pull the cart away to a safe distance, but I had to get a closer look.  So, I got out of the cart and walk to about 5 feet of the creature to get a good picture.  He never moved!  He was just chilling next to the water getting a little afternoon sun.  He was huge.  I will try to download the picture and post "Chubs" mug shot at a future date.

Well Merry Christmas to all and to all good night.